To The Best Friend I Lost When I Went To College

Former Best Friend,

You were my rock. My support system, my shoulder to lean on, and my sister. We spend so much time together it seemed like nothing could separate us. You were my best friend for the most important years of my life. You watched me grow and helped me too. You never judged me or made me feel left out. I was your right hand and you were mine. We would go to parties together, skip classes, we played on the same sports teams, and we never got sick of each other. Our friendship seemed like it was going to last forever. I mean no one thinks their friendships are going to end just because you go off to college, but some of them do.

We were so far away from each other that keeping our friendship strong seemed impossible. We tried for freshman year, texting back and forth for extended periods of time, but that fizzled as we got more comfortable at school. Our phone calls went from 4-hours in high school, to just over 20-minutes. A quick, ‘hey, hows it going?’ ‘oh I have to go, we are grabbing dinner. Talk to you soon?’ We tried. Freshman year it was hard to watch our friendship melt, like ice cream on a hot summer day. Something so solid and important, just faded away with each day that we didn’t speak.

I saw how much fun you were having through Facebook and Snapchat, that I knew it was okay if we drifted apart, as long as you were in good hands. And for the most part, it seemed like you were.  So I let go. All at once and all too fast, I let go of a person who made me so happy for so many years. I let go of my best friend and then I never saw her again. Or at least it felt that way. The times we did see each other it was fake and rigid; like you resented me for not trying hard enough. I accept that now because I know I didn’t try hard enough. I let distance get in between the most important person in my life. I let petty high school drama eat away at me years after graduation. I let go of your hand never to feel the warmth of  your skin again. After freshman year of college, we would never share another laugh, cry, inside joke, or long car ride with a personalized CD.

We stopped seeing each other over winter and summer vacation. You stayed at school and made that state your home, while I went back to Simsbury. Even when you were here we made a sad attempt to see each other, or no attempt at all. Sophomore, junior, and now senior raced by without any contact between the two of us. I don’t know who your friends are, what you do for fun, what your plan is, or even if you still live in CT. Our paths rarely crossed after high school–and I’m not sure they will ever cross again.

As I sit here now, with 7 days left before graduation, I wonder what your college experience was like. I wonder if you made everlasting friendships with the people you met while you were away. And I wonder if you ever thought about what our friendship would be like if we still spoke. I know I have. I wonder what my school friends would think if they had the chance to meet you. I wonder what it would be like if I had gotten a chance to visit you and meet all of your friends. It’s too late for any of that now. The most I can say now is that I hope you had an amazing four years— full of growth, laughter, and friendships. I only want the best for you. And even though our friendship seems like it was just a high school thing, know that I will always consider you my friend. You stood by me through it all and I will never forget that. The time we spent together made me the happiest and I hope I did the same for you. So happy graduation former best friend, and enjoy the next chapter of your life–whether I am in it or not.

xoxo,

Jessie

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