What started as the “this is my year” year, as many of them do, soon turned into the “this is most certainly not my year” year. Plagued by anxiety, stress, silly relationships–if you even call it that, death and pain; 2019 was a real thorn in my side. The bad always seems to outweigh the good no matter which way you slice it. My good however, was very good. New job, new apartment, new roommate–three big positives that I can’t overlook.
I stepped into 2019 boasting about how great my job was, how I was so focused on my career and I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of my professional success. As it turns out, I stayed true to that, but not in the way I expected. I got a promotion at the gym, more responsibilities, more money, a desk, the total package. But what I also got was 50+ hours of work each week, I was on-call 24/7, and there was no work-life balance. I became very negative at work–a black cloud some would say, and I found myself incredibly irritable. I lost who I was amid the piles of work and lack of me time. Eight months of tiresome work however, led me right to where I need to be. A job in college admissions doing what I do best, judging people. In all seriousness though, I’ve found a job where I am appreciated and I’m actually pretty good at it. Score one for turning a negative into a positive.
With my stress and anxiety through the roof I had an onerous time focusing on anything other than work. I ended one relationship to focus on my career, I started another one and that quickly ended because boys don’t think with their brains, and tried a second AND third time with the same dude only to find that I am not ready for a relationships and I am really good at being single. Almost too good… At the end of the day I’m the one I’ll be stuck with for eternity so why not make myself the priority. Does that sound selfish? Oh well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I like doing what I want when I want. That will all change when I meet the right guy, but I’m not going to search high and low for something someone else *cough cough my mom* wants for me. 2019 went back down to a zero with failed relationships and dumb boy drama.
My new years resolution year after year has always been to say yes more. In 2019 I said yes to a lot of things! To a new job, to moving in with my friend and her boyfriend, to going out more, to Jäger of all things. New years resolution was a success for 2019!
Between the glorious moments there will always be pitfalls. The loss of my two remaining grandparents in the same year was devastating. Never before in my life have I experienced so much loss in so little time. Just 6 months apart in their death, it was like losing a part of my identity. They were portals to the past, each with a different story, upbringing and untimely demise. Talk about an emotional year, jeez!
At the end of the day (year), I can’t say I’ll miss 2019. I had such high hopes for this year, but as it turns out it was just another year of peaks and valleys…much like every year. As we enter a new decade I have a few things in mind 2020:
- Eat slower. I hear it’s better for digestion.
- Stop asking 86 different people for their opinions. I have to go with my gut.
- Further my education. Take graduate classes because I can for FREE!
- Keep writing. I spent very little time writing in 2019.
If there is one thing 2019 taught me it’s who I can lean on and who has my back. Friends showed their true colors this year and some things were painful while others came as no surprise. I’ve turned acquaintances into lifelong friends and I’ve watched lifelong friends revert back to complete strangers. As we get older we realize who is worth your time and who never really was.
While I am fully aware 2020 will be unpredictable, I once again have high hopes for this new decade. Cheers!
livealubeylife 